A stressful few days have passed, often the stress is in my reaction. My computer went down on Wednesday morning and today I found out the hard drive is dead. I cried as I hadnt backed anything up and so all my writing on there is gone as are all my saved images. I am writing this on my tiny tab which I hate using with just one finger, yet it may be a message from the universe telling me slow down!
When the tecnician told me I immediately felt resistant and panicked. ..surely not eeekkk! But yes the inner msg came to let go but that involved silent tears. Now I need to decide whether to replace the hard drive or buy a new computer. Being overwhelmed I stepped back and went out with Jasper to the park and for some lunch..then I googled hard drives and after a telephone call I have found a place that sells hard drives, though its closed today as in Australia it is a public holiday.
Immediately I knew the computer was gone panicky me wanted to rush out and get a new one..a saner self now is just hanging fire to see the outcome of exploring all options. What has come out of this for me is the realisation I can cope with curve balls in life. I may not like losing things most especially 3 years of writing and images. But its dark of Moon time and just before my birthday so maybe im being asked to shed and let go and remember to breathe.
Phew I’m home now in the cool. I can relax for a while, feeling strong yet supple. I have about 3 blogs backed up in my mind but writing them like this will take some time and energy so I will let the ideas percolate until I can type more freely on a bigger keyboard maybe at the library while my old lap top is down. If I stay calm and think laterally I am bound to come up with solutions, I just need to trust the process and know I can cope and find those solutions if I don’t panic.
Emerging From The Dark Night 