After you have been pummeled by those stares of evil, good luck trying to explain your fear and confusion to others. And, if confronted, a response from a narc will be: “What? I am being accused of looks now!” With those stares, the narc has lulled you and then dragged you into his/her world of childish nightmares; and the adults around you won’t comprehend, for they have long forgotten that sheer terror of a 6 year old.
Comment by SK on You Tube video source :
I don’t know how many of us know how important it was to be looked upon well in childhood. To meet the parent’s loving affirmative gaze. And how many of us remember the terror when we got the eyes of hate or anger turned upon us? All of these deep feelings can be evoked if we are unlucky enough to find ourselves a victim of either the narcissist’s stare (as explained in the video above) or of their silent treatment.
In both we get sent to the freezer zone and may be confused when the stare or gaze of love they directed upon us early in the piece during the seduction suddenly disappears because we have dared to say we don’t want to do something they need us to do.
I have been having a rapid course of enlightenment after stumbling upon the videos last night of a You Tube poster who goes by the monika Know the Narcissist, many light bulb moments during watching the above video as well as his excellent one on the smear campaign which y0u will find the link to on You Tube.
The stare video really sparked my primal memory. It called to mind the stare of displeasure and disgust that was a major part of our upbringing when we made a mess or didn’t keep the well ordered world of my Mum running along in the way demanded. My sister who recently died used to laugh a lot about it, as she knew the stare well. She used to take great pleasure in the care home where she lived by leaving a vase of dying flowers in her room and refusing to throw them out when my mother tried to insist on some of her visits to see her.
I am also aware of the stare of the eyes of death that have been cast upon me at times by my remaining sister for example, when I gave a hug to the grandson of my much loved Godfather while crying at the funeral when Uncle Piet had died. It was accompanied by a harsh ‘for God’s sake, keep it together!’ Or when I have been dancing with gay abandon at a friend’s New Years Eve party. I’ve also seen my only niece subjected to the stare of her own narcissistic mother when she and embraced and cried because she was leaving after we connected deeply many years ago.
What a liberation to have the confirmation of how the narcissist uses the stare to evoke terror, sadness and pain in us and how the silent treatment is also used to control us.
When the narcissist devalues and discards us really we should celebrate. As Knowing the Narcissist tells us. You didn’t do anything wrong but you did everything wrong from our (the narcissist’s) perspective. You failed to continue to be controlled or give supply. You were brave enough to express yourself without shame, a shame they would like to rain down on you with the stare or silent treatment casting you to the freezer zone of abandonment hell that perhaps even resonates from childhood.
As Knowing the Narcissist says :
you are an unfortunate reminder of a part of us which we prefer to keep locked away and (our) stare conveys this through contempt and loathing.
Don’t take it on board people. Be glad the narcissist kicked you to the kerb. Now you can move onto someone genuine who lets you be you and loves you for you or better still love yourself, work on your boundaries and don’t loose faith in life.
Emerging From The Dark Night 