The reason I let you down was. Well let me see there is a way you will tell me the thing you did was all about others needing more and you had to be their saviour, but I was your friend and I was hurting. How could you do that to a friend? You did.
You want me to get over it, brush myself off and meet you at a concert today, have you any idea how what you did yesterday affected me. As a HSP with multiple level trauma and multiple abandonments these things don’t just roll off my back. I have to take care of myself and guard my sensitivity. I have reached the limit of what I can open my heart for. As lately I have felt my heart is in so much pain it will give out and the breast cancer will come back if I don’t take care of me. So no I cant come tonight. I need to rest with the family who will care for me and be there and I need to be there with them because this pain we carry at this time of year is a shared pain.
As for therapy. I cant do it anymore. Its tiring and I feel I have done therapy for nearly 20 years now of one form or another. There has to be a time to lay the burden down and go on in another direction. Its costing me a lot in terms of money, energy and time and the truth is some days I gain more comfort from being at the park and just listening to the breeze as it whispers deep truths to me. I believe the friend who yesterday said to me “Deborah you are too special and unique for this, guard your heart.” This what I told you I must do, this is what I need to do.
Emerging From The Dark Night 