You couldn’t stay
The world was calling you
But I was too young
And I didn’t understand
Why did you have to go away?
Now I know
It wasn’t about me
The mother I had didn’t want to spend any time with me
I don’t really know why she wanted me to be born
Even now when I am so alone
And see myself turning myself inside out
To find someone to stay
I see finally all the time wasted
And the damage I did
Just wasn’t worth the pain
And so now, I need to stay with me
Because when I am at home
Cosy inside
Wrapped up in a soft space of self protection and love
I find that I have all that I ever needed
Apart from one thing
Another human that would come into my life
And not choose to walk away
Or turn their face from mine
And yet I know I can survive
And there is enough love in my own heart
To light an inner fire
Beside which I can warm myself
When outside comfort
Is hard to find
Emerging From The Dark Night 
I call that feeling sweet isolation, cozy in my home with my familiar things and comforts. It’s an okay place for me to be right now as I realize I had always been the one who was always there for me my whole life. I want to learn to honour that before I invite anyone else in right now.
LikeLike
Yes that is a powerful place to be.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is so beautiful.
LikeLike
Thank you (somewhat belatedly <3)
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel your pain in a strangely real way. Hope you find a way through this. Love your writings for what it’s worth
LikeLike
Thank you ❤you must have experienced something similar, I am sure many of us do.
LikeLike