My silted eyes

The following is a poem for my mother, with love.

Deep within my soul

There are so many tears I cannot cry

There is a frozen river that cannot melt

Without the warmth of your embrace

Connection

Insight

Empathy

Understanding

Togetherness

Love

Only these gentle things will warm my soul

And turn the frozen ice to tears

Your silted eyes

Speak to me of so much more

Going on deep in your body

The sties that formed

With your grandson’s visit

Reminding you of all so much loss

So much pain

The daughter you loved

Strapped to a board

Toothbrush in one hand

After her brain exploded

They told us

Your father and I

She would not survive

But we visited every day

While Poppa held your mother’s hand

Willing her back

But he went first

Grandson you sat

Your head in your hands

After telling us

What went on

In the time leading up

The drinking, the fights

So much for a child

Of only 12

One aunt looks on with compassion

The other is angry with the mother

Telling her grandson these things

But we need to talk about it

We need to cry together

That explosion blew us so far apart from each other

And now there is a mending

That is trying to happen

So please, please, please

Let the rain fall

And let understanding grow

New seeds of connection

Where the tears fall

Mum I wish you did not have to have

This silted stye filled eyes

Y0u need to cry

The ocean of tears

Held deep inside your soul

Until there are no more tears left to shed