Do you know how you really feel?

Do you know how you really feel?

What lights up your spirit?

What connects you to your heart?

What connects you to joy?

What brings you down?

Makes you feel small or empty?

These are some questions I am deeply contemplating after some painful years in which the connection to my heart to my joy to my feelings were challenged severely.  I believe they were challenged as a lesson to me.  I needed to walk down that painful dark road in order to find the way home to my heart.

I always had an open heart.  As a child I know I was deeply connected to my joy, but somewhere along the way I lost that connection.  I believe that is what we call codependence is about. We begin to distrust and turn away from our real feelings and from our Self. We lose touch with who we truly are, when others invalidate or fail to value us, when their needs and reactions become more important to us than our own.  We acquire a false belief that it is not okay to care for and love ourselves, to pursue our joy, to place our happiness first, to follow our bliss and trust our gut, all the things we must do.

The truth is until we learn to love, affirm and value ourselves we will remain disconnected.  If we shut down our joy, our real feelings and our heart we lose access to our inner fire and light which warms us.

In the end we must nurture ourselves, if we find that hard we need to keep looking for those who get us, who open our connection to our heart, who don’t shut us down or invalidate us, those who are real themselves, open to themselves and others and trust themselves and encourage us (fill our hearts with the courage) to do the same.

When we do come across invalidation we need the strength to recognise it as a curse on our vital fire, life and energy.  One that we can walk away from.  One that we can erect mental barriers against. One that we can close the door on and lock forever. For we deserve love and that begins with loving ourselves.