I had one of those mornings where there was a pull being experienced from outside. It was a family get together around my sister’s eldest son and I was extremely apprehensive about going. It was interesting to watch the pushing and pulling that occurred for me as I wrestled with so many memories, questions, feelings, fears and doubts. I was aware of a lot of sadness mingled up with these aspects of myself and the situation. I had a choice to go or not to go.
I rang and spoke to a friend about it. One of the things I noticed as I was struggling inside myself was the awareness of being alone with so much unvoiced inside me, building and building. When I spoke to my friend and could voice some of these things the pressure of the inner push lessened and I felt myself enter a place of peace and stillness in which I could feel the presence of the quiet heart within me. I was free of all body symptoms and there was a quiet slow hum inside of me that felt pregnant with energy.
From deep within this place the follow words arose.
Just rest in this moment
Where the silence hums
Draw close
To your essential Self
Free yourself from all
the push pull
all of the restless seeking
and wandering
come home
to this present moment
to yourself
rest at the centre
of your quiet heart
know the love you have
and the love you give
no need to prove a thing
at home
at the centre
of your quiet heart
In the end I stayed home. Later the thoughts came. They might think you don’t care, are you always going to be alone, if you don’t make the effort to be a part of other people’s lives, but I know despite this the nurturing thing for me felt for me to rest in my quiet heart, listen to Ghost Stories, one of my favourite albums from Coldplay and be at peace.
Emerging From The Dark Night 